Monday, 28 February 2011

Transparent Behaviour

"My Dear Wendy:

I am very very lost. I don't know what to think about this situation i'm in so i hope you can light my way and let me find an answer.

I'm in a relationship with a guy (Sandy Wich) for more than 4 months. A common friend (Jenny, i think you know her) introduced us and it was just magic. I'm really in love with him and i thought that he was in love with me as well. But now i'm not sure.

We went on holidays together and it was beautiful. We were living together at my parents house but it was the first time that we travel and stayed alone for that much time. And when we came back to Buenos Aires Sandy decided that he wanted to come back to England to see our Jenny (they lived together for ages, like brother and sister). So he took a flight a week ago and i don't have news since then. I talked to our friend and she said that he never called her. So i don't know where he is, or if he's planing to come back.

Can you tell me what happend? He freak out? Her friend is liyng to me and he's there? He doesn't love me anymore and he couldn't say that to me so he ran away? Something bad happend to him??
I'm desperate!

Please answer me!!!
The Invisible Girlfriend

PD: i add a photo of the two of us so you'll see how happy we looked (he is the one with the hat).
PD2: sorry, my english is rubbish”

Dear Invisible Girlfriend,

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear. Well, I’m afraid that disappearing off the face of the earth is clearer than an email with big bold letters that says “I DON’T WANT TO BE WITH YOU”. Because, if he wanted to be with you, he wouldn’t be ignoring your calls and messages.

I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but this man sounds like a tool. A complete and utter prat. He has left you all on your own, without so much as bothering to say goodbye. I mean, what could his excuse be? What would you reasonably accept? Can you think of one valid reason? There are only four excusable reasons for this in my book:
1.     He is a secret agent/witness to a terrible crime, and has had to disappear in order to stay undercover and ultimately make the world a better place.
2.     He has been taken hostage and/or imprisoned in a Russian or Turkish jail.
3.     He is dead.
4.     He is a supernatural being (e.g. vampire or werewolf) and has had to disappear for your own protection.

And even then, if he really loved you, nothing would stop him getting a message to you. It seems he has abandoned you and your friend to worry about you (I don’t believe she is keeping secrets, because, let’s face it, Jenny can’t keep secrets), and the best thing you can do is stop wasting another second on him! He didn’t give you a second thought, so don’t give him one either! Think about how fabulous you are, and how fantastic it is that you have an opportunity to find a guy who doesn’t disappear on you, that you can see whenever you like, and has a far more sensible name than “Sandy Wich”.

And if he ever comes crawling back, realising what he lost? I would expect some serious, and I mean SERIOUS grovelling before you even consider forgiving him!
With love,

The Very-Much-Here Wendy.

Sunday, 27 February 2011

Give Us Some Credit!

“Dear Wendy the clever, clever frog,
I’ve been seeing this guy quite consistently for a few weeks now, but recently I went on holiday for a week. We had no contact while I was gone, so I sent him text when I got home just to let him know I was back. I never received a reply, but three days later I bumped into him in the street, and he told me he was so happy I was home, and the only reason he hadn’t texted me back was because he didn’t have any credit. He asked if I want to meet up sometime.  I mean, that’s ok, isn’t it Wendy? Not having credit is a good excuse for not being in contact! I don’t want to be one of those clingy girls who demand attention constantly. What do you think?
From the Lady-In-Waiting”

Dear Lady-In-Waiting,
I am so so SO tired of this excuse – “I didn’t have any credit”. This is clearly the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Let me ask you something Lady – have you ever seen a text from a guy that you really liked and thought “Damn, I don’t have credit… Guess I will just have to wait until I see them in the street!”
Obviously you haven’t. When you hear from someone you’re excited about, you may: attempt (and usually fail) to wait a couple of hours before replying so you don’t seem too eager; spend a couple of hours constructing an intelligent, humorous, and off-the-cuff sounding answer; panic that you don’t have credit, contemplate using a friend’s phone, realising that would be a little silly, and go online to get some credit. You don’t wait THREE DAYS before attempting contact.
The trouble is, guys (and girls, I’m afraid) use this excuse ALL THE TIME. And it is wearying. Why do we think that it is a valid excuse? Especially these days, when most people have access to the internet and therefore either have the means to send a facebook message, or, here’s a thought – top up their phone online!
In the space of three days, a man might need milk, a newspaper, cigarettes, juice, bread, a book about planes, a pen, logs for the fire, coffee, eggs, shoelaces, shoes, a notebook – the list goes on. And if he has needed any of these things, he has gone to the shop. A shop where, incidentally, you can buy phone credit. If he is unaware of this fact, he is not fit to own a mobile phone.
If a guy says he didn’t text you because he ‘didn’t have credit’, he is essentially saying “Sorry darling, you’re not worth turning my computer on, or taking the 20 metre walk to the corner shop.” Which means he’s not worth another second of your time or energy.
With love,
An Exasperated Wendy.

Saturday, 26 February 2011

Back To Start

Oooh well look at this! My first letter!

"Oh wise and lovely wendy,

My ex-fiance was a bit of a piss-midget and ended up leaving.
Even though I know he's horrible - I still love him!
Why? What if I never find anyone else? Is it not easier to hang on to the hope that he'll change his mind and come back, rather than go through all the 'meeting new people, first date, second date etc'.
What if the new people don't want to stay either?

From Miss Havisham-in-training"
Dear Miss HIT,
I know darling. It hurts. It feels like someone has just reached into you and started pulling out the little pink squishy bits that you need to live. You had your whole life planned out, and sorted, and suddenly it's as if you've landed on the "Back to the start" sqaure on the boardgame of life. People tell you that you have to move on with your life, but the don't understand - he WAS your life. It sucks, right?
But let's think about this for a minute. If he does change his mind, is this really the kind of guy you want to be with? As a wise man once said, don't forget this is the same guy who looked at you, everything you are, and everything you had togther and said "meh, not for me." Because, my dearest, you are awesome. You are fantastic, and pretty, and lovely. And you are so fanatastic, that if a man is stupid enough to not spot it the first time round, he is not worth a second chance. You could wait around for him to test the water and realise that, yes, after all, you the best thing that could happen to him... But let me tell you, I've never enjoyed the waiting game.
Meeting people is hard though! You have to dress up, talk to new people, try and be witty.. My goodness, it's so much effort! Or... Let's look at it a different way. You get to dress up when you go out, for no other reason than to look and feel great. You can talk to whoever you want, flirt as much as you like, without feeling bad. You can be the best of your sparkly self, make new first impressions. And, the best thing? You get to go on dates, get those butterflies in your stomach when someone you like starts talking to you, and you get the excitment of shiny newness! First kisses, first dates, first time they meet your friends... You have all these things to look forward to! Yay!
And at the end of these new happy first things - there will be a man who looks at you, and thinks, "Wow! I'm with YOU and you are GREAT!"
This is why I dont believe you are a Miss Havisham - you are a Miss HIT! And I just feel happy for the male species that a gift like you is back on the market.
Much love,
The Fabulous Wendy.

Wednesday, 23 February 2011

The Truth Hurts

Hello darlings!
I'm Wendy, the wide mouthed frog, and I am here to tell it like it is.

Why you ask?

The way I see it, women are generally sensible. We can be logical, give very good advice, we know when to talk and when to shut up, and we can spot a bad situation a mile off. The only trouble is, that the majority of us suffer a massive blind spot when it comes to our own lives. Especially our love lives.

And no one wants to be that friend. When everyone else is sat around a crying girl saying "He's intimidated by you, that's all!", or "It's nothing to do with you if he's married or not", or "Maybe he didn't have any credit?", no one wants to be the one to clear their throat and say "Well, actually... he's an asshole/he doesn't like you (or even worse).. you're being the bad guy". You just don't want to say that sort of thing to your friends.

Well my sweeties, that's why I'm here. Because I talk far too much, and I'm not afraid to tell you the truth. Ever. So please, feel free to email with your questions and problems, it's what I subsist on! My address is

I'd like to mention the wonderful Greg Behrendt here - the genius who brought us He's Just Not That Into You. "Of course!" We all thought as we read it. "It's so obvious! Never again will I let a man fool me in this way!" And naturally, it's easier said than done. People have often expressed that they wish they had a little Greg around constantly to tell them how fantastic they are, and how certain men are not worth it - and I am to be that little Greg! Except I'm a frog. Called Wendy.